Akatsuki: The Stories You Never Got Told!
by blu3slush
Summary: Click it. You know you want to.
1. Who Could've Been A Millionaire

**AN: This is my first mini fanfiction ever so yeah... Anyway, to start everything off, I'd like to thank my beta-reader lollipops suck for inspiring me with hilarious mini fanfiction ideas and I'll also credit her for coming up with most of the fan fiction titles, as I unfortunately, have a lack of ideas when it comes to fan fiction titles except when I have a lot of muse, also I'd like to thank her for general editing and also helping me out with some of the dialogue :3**

**So, anyway, this is for your entertainment, so enjoy. WARNING: Since Hidan is in this, this ain't Cartoon Network anymore, so any little brothers and sisters with you must have their eyes shielded. There is quite a bit of swearing going on in it but remember, Kakuzu and Hidan actually swear the most in the Akatsuki. So, this particular one is rated M: only continue if you can stand Hidan's sailor mouth or if you wish to see awesome humor. Anyway, before I start blabbering on again, let's just continue on with the first chapter of Demises of the Akatsuki.**

**Please keep in mind I was GOING to classify this particular fanfiction as M, however, due to the content of my other fanfictions lacking as much coarse language as this one, I decided that I'd have to classify it as by the majority... I apologize if you're offended by this but I really have good intentions in mind. The swearing becomes much milder near the end so yes, I assure you. Anyway, carrying on with the conclusion of the author's note, t****his particular one of of two of these is kind of referencing to my Itachi fanfiction, so yeah, you might get to see sneak-peeks of my character, hee hee :D**

Who Wanted to be a Millionaire?

"Complete this pronoun. As sick as a... A: Penguin, B: Parrot, C: Puffin or D: Patridge?" Kakuzu listened carefully, the audience was silent for a few moments. _Damn it Itachi, why are you taking so long? _ Then there are two distinct coughs in the audience. "Kakuzu, your time is nearly up, what's your answer?" Kakuzu wishes to fool the audience, if he gets caught, he'd be in serious shit.

"B." He says in a uncertain tone to fool the producer, as he looks down at his feet. Did it work?

"Are you sure?" The producer asks in a teasing tone as Kakuzu gulps as he shifts uncomfortably.

"Yes, I'm sure..." Kakuzu answers as the 'B' button lights up as the producer smiles. "Congratulations, you've won your first one hundred ryō!"

"HELL YEAH THATS MY MOTHERFUCKING BITCH PARTNER!" Hidan screams from the crowd as the producer whispers under his breath,

"Security, take the offender out please, we have children in the audience..."

"BITCH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DOING? I'M FUCKING WATCHING THAT BITCH TAKE THE FUCKING CAKE ON THIS SHIT SHOW FREEDOM OF FUCKING SPEECH!" Hidan screams as two fat... no... Understatement... OBESE security guards drag him out and fling him out the doors, Hidan screeching cuss words as he screams, "SHIT FUCK SHIT, I THINK I BROKE MY SPINE AGAIN!" Hidan howls, as all the mothers in the audience's jaws drop. The security guards finally slam the doors shutting the cussing rant of Hidan out as mothers in the audience uncup their children's ears.

"Sorry, ladies and gentlemen, we shall proceed with the show. Which legal document states a person's wishes regarding the disposal of their property after death? A: Will, B: Shall, C: Should or D: Would?" Kakuzu already knows this answer as Itachi fails to cough. Heh, probably thinks Kakuzu can work it out on his own, besides that its fine- "Kakuzu, you have three seconds to answer." SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

"Will. A. A: Will, Will, Will, Will!" Kakuzu bursts out, flapping his arms around nervously as the producer gestures with his hands to tell him to calm down.

"Calm down Kakuzu. But are you suuuuuuuuuure?" Kakuzu then gets impatient, angry even,

"Yes, I'm fu-_freaking_ sure." Thank God, he stopped himself otherwise, all that money would go down the drain...

"A is correct. Well done, you've won two hundred ryō!" Kakuzu leans back for a blissfull moment, he can't wait to feel all those crisp thousand ryō notes in between his fingers. "Kakuzu, are you feeling alright?"

"Eh... What?" Kakuzu snaps back to reality and all visions of money floating around in the air fades. DAMN YOU SON OF A-

"Next question! Complete the title of the James Bond film The Man With The Golden... A: Gun, B: Tooth, C: Delicious or D: Eagle?" What the hell, the answer C doesn't even make correct sentence...? Wait a second, isn't that a brand of canned pineapple...? Itachi better answer correctly, goddamn it! As much as he likes canned pineapple. He coughs once. So it's A again, eh?

"The answer is A, The Man With The Golden Gun." Kakuzu answers coolly as the producer gives him a suspicious look.

"Are you sure Kakuzu?" He asks in an edgy tone as Kakuzu gasps nervously.

"Yes, I'm sure that's the answer..."

"Correct, well done, you've won three hundred ryō!" The producer then appears out of nowhere and pats him on the back. What the fuck...?

"Fourth question: Which of these fruits shares its name with something superior or desirable? A: Apricot, B: Mango, C: Grapefruit or D: Plum?" The producer then smiles devilishly. The hell?

Itachi coughs once, twice, thrice, four, FIVE times? That isn't a fucking answer! Oh shit, what's he going to do? He leans over as he discreetly whispers in the producer's ear, "I need to go to the bathroom." The producer nods as he looks at the audience,

"Folks, it's time for an ad break! We'll be right back with Konoha's Funniest Home Videos - I _meant_ to say Who wants to be a Millionaire? We'll return soon!" Kakuzu then runs off-screen, not that he needs to go to the bathroom but he needs to make himself look like he's busting... Deidara appears behind him as he speaks too suddenly for Kakuzu's comfort.

"Oi Kakuzu, Itachi-san is choking on his popcorn, Kisame is doing the Heimlich on him, un." Itachi then bursts through the automatic double doors, his face is blue as he struggles around, choking and gasping as he staggers around.

"HANG ON ITACHI-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN, I'LL SAVE YOUUUUU!" Kisame then gropes him from behind as he attempts what looks like the Heimlich, but the image... Is more like Kisame's attempting to rape Itachi.

"HELP-KISAME-IS-TRYING-TO-RAPE-ME!" Itachi puffs out, his face still blue, how he can talk makes Kakuzu curious. Deidara then drops to the ground and begins laughing, rolling around in little circles, poor Itachi. "...What the FUCK?" Hidan bursts in as he is lopsided, damn it.

"Baka..." Kakuzu mutters under his breath as Hidan's eyes bulge with anger and his eyebrow twitches,

"HEY KAKUZU, SUCK ON A DICK!" Hidan replies, shaking his fist as his other hand is dangerously close to his scythe.

"Itachi-san, you're still choking!" Kisame yells in panic as he attempts to do the Heimlich again as Itachi kicks him hard in the tenders... Ouch...

"Stay-away-from-me,you-RAPIST!" He smacks headfirst against the wall as Kisame runs towards him only to be kicked in the nads again. Itachi knows how to bring a man down to his knees, that's for sure.

"Ermmmm... Un..." Deidara then attempts to do the Heimlich as well. _Stop raping Itachi... _Kakuzu speaks in his mind, feeling kind of sorry for the scrawny little spitfu - erson who let him almost lose.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, WHYYYY did I get my new haircut?" Itachi wails as he slams Deidara against the wall and then edges away from Kisame who's after him again. Poor bastard.

"You have a new haircut?" Kisame asks in a curious tone as Itachi freezes.

"That's the reason why you're raping me, don't pretend you don't know!" Has the poor serial killer been mind raped as well as nearly physically raped?

Then Pein's main form walks in, smoothie in hand, as soon as the scene unfolds before him, he drops said smoothie and now, poor Itachi endures another 'Heimlich'.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck FUUUUU-" Itachi them escapes from Pein, who had successfully completed the Heimlich as a ball of popcorn mush flew through the air and landed on the floor two metres away. Itachi then hides in a corner, curled in a fetal position.

Kisame then walks up to Pein as he bitchslaps him for what looks VERY hard as he speaks angrily "MIIIIIIINE bitch." He growls as he smiles, "I will help Itachi-san!" Itachi stares at Kisame for one consecutive moment but his eyes narrow as he stands up and flips Kisame off,

"Sick fuckers." Itachi marches to the door as he slams it behind him as Kisame pouts.

"Poor Itachi-san, what did we do wrong?" Kisame says in a miserable tone as Kakuzu facepalms. What DIDN'T they do wrong?

"What the FUCK was that bitchslap for?" Pein demands angrily as Kisame sweatdrops as he laughs nervously,

"I didn't mean it, I was joking - Pein, what's the knife for? What're you going to do with that potato - OOOOHHHH GOOOOOD!"

Kakuzu then left the room as violence possibly ensued. "I'm back from the bathroom.."

"You certainly took your time!"

"Lets just say that shi- shizz went down."

"... Okayyyyy, well, are you ready to go back in?"

"Sure..."

"Welcome back ladies and gentlemen to Who Wants to be a Millionaire!"

Kakuzu prayed Itachi would continue answering for him otherwise he'll fucking rip him a new one.

"Back to the question: Which of these fruits shares its name with something superior or desirable? A: Apricot, B: Mango, C: Grapefruit or D: Plum? Kakuzu, you have thirty seconds..."

Then what sounded like... Oh God no... Deidara... Who coughed twice...

"Errrr... B... Mango?"

"Wrong! The correct answer is D, plum. You lose all your current winnings: three hundred ryō... Ouch!" Kakuzu wants to cry and swear as much to his heart's desire but he decides to bottle it all up inside. Then of course, that dumb bitch Hidan found a way to sneak back in.

"Itachi, you fucking bitch, share the MOTHERFUCKING popcorn!" Hidan screams as Itachi then gives him the scary look. Kowaii...

"Psh. Not like you can kill me with a glare!" Hidan scoffs as Itachi then takes a deep breath. Itachi's pissed...

"Tsukiyomi!" He says as Hidan's eyes widen as he edges away three seconds later,

"Okay, okay, I'll get my own fucking popcorn!K-k-k-kowaii!" Hidan stammers at the end as he creeps away in silence.

"Nice one! Teach that bitch to get his own popcorn!" Someone in the audience hi-fives Itachi who just shrugs and hi-fives him back.

"Fifth question: In which sport do two teams pull at the opposite ends of a rope? A: Ice hockey, B: Basketball, C: Tug of War or D: Polo?" Kakuzu thinks he knows the answer but then (the idiot) Itachi coughs twice, what the fuck? Then he coughs another three times. Wait... Oh shit, there's two people? Oh shit, who's right? And more importantly, who's the second cougher?

"Errrr... Is it C?" He stammers as the producer looks at him skeptically,

"Well don't ask me, ask yourself! Are you sure?"

"Errr... C.." He finalises his choice as the relieving green light flashes.

"Correct, congratulations you're back in the game with two thousand ryō!" Kakuzu sighs with relief, it appears the second person is right...

"Sixth question: Where would a cowboy wear his chaps? A: On his hands, B: On his arms, C: On his legs or D: On his head?" There are three coughs at first then suddenly the second cougher interjects with one cough.

"C: On his legs." Kakuzu confirms as the producer smiles,

"You sure?" The producer says in a comical cocky tone which pisses Kakuzu off.

"Yes." Kakuzu imagines that money flowing through his fingers but the answer shocks him.

"Correct. The correct answer as you stated was C: On his legs. You've gained four thousand ryō. Banzai!" Fuck, did they switch places, fuck! Anyway, thank God the first cougher was right!

"Seventh question: Which of these zodiac signs is not represented by an animal that grows horns? A: Taurus, B: Capricorn, C: Aries or D: Aquarius?" Four coughs for the first one, two coughs for the second. But he knows who's right.

"D. Aquarius." Kakuzu knew because no one in Akatsuki that he knew of was Aquarius which by the way, had a (dumb) squiggly line as it's sign!

"Correct! You've gained eight thousand ryō! Congrats!" The producer smiles as the crowd cheers as Itachi and Deidara death glare each other. At least the first cougher is his correct answerer.

"Eighth question: Sherpas and Gurkhas are native to which country? A: Ecuador, B: Morocco, C: Nepal or D: Russia?" The first cougher coughs twice and the second three times. Well, he doesn't trust the first one, because he knows the answer.

"C. Nepal." Kakuzu answers confidently as he smiles. The producer raises an eyebrow,

"You sure?" He answers, brushing a stray blond hair back behind his fringe.

"Yes..." He grumbles impatiently, this producer's attitude is pissing him off.

"Correct! You've won sixteen thousand ryō! Ouch for me, yay for you!" Kakuzu's jaw drops, what in all hells just happened? _First cougher, I'll find you then stab you in the fucking balls. _The second cougher was right all along!

"Ninth question: British Prime Minister Tony Blair was born in which country? A: Northern Ireland, B: Scotland, C: England or D: Wales?" Kakuzu pauses and after a few moments, there are no coughs. _Oh shit, don't tell me neither of you people know? _Kakuzu's panicked thoughts didn't help the situation at all.

"Errrr... Itachi-san, who the hell is Tony Blair?"

"I don't know, Kisame, I don't know. And by the way, personal space is _very _important to me."

"Errrrrm... Can I use one of my Lifeboats?" Kakuzu looks at the producer who smiles,

"Of course! 50-50, Call A Friend or Ask the Audience?"

"50-50." Kakuzu tries to speak in a calm tone but it comes out sounding like he's constipated.

"Alrighty!" The producer says with a chuckle as he presses a button and two of the answers disappear leaving B and D. "Pick your answer. You have thirty seconds."

Kakuzu studies the screeen for one second, it's logical for him to have been born in either two... Damn it..

"B..." Kakuzu trails off, having half a mind to punch something because of his panicking.

"Scotland?" The producer asks in a curious tone with a slight hint of mischief.

"Yes..." Kakuzu trails off, praying he isn't wrong..

"Correct! Well done, you've won sixty four thousand ryō!" Kakuzu felt so happy, yes, he made it, he's so close!

"Tenth question: Whose autobiography has the title A Long Walk To Freedom? A: Ranulph Fiennes, B: Nelson Mandela, C: Mikhail Gorbachev or D: Mother Teresa?"

Kakuzu thinks for a moment, hoping his cougher won't let him down because he has no idea what the answer is. The first cougher answers with two coughs and the second with four. He can't trust that first bitch.

"Ask a friend." He says with a smile under his mask.

"You positive?" Oh, how he wants to punch that producer in the face!

"Yes!" He answers, struggling to keep his impulses under control.

"Who do you want to call?" Kakuzu then thinks for a consecutive moment, damn it Itachi better know this!

"My friend Itachi." At this, he hears someone standing up and leaving, of course the producer would get suspicious if he heard a phone going off in the audience. Then they hear the dialling of a number and the line burring.

"Hello?" Itachi's voice causes most of the single women in the audience to freak the fuck out,

"KYAAAAAAAAA!" Some of the women faint, poor Kisame, Itachi always gets the girls...

"Bitch, he's mine!" One of the women growls threateningly to the woman sitting next to her as they get up in each other's faces.

"No, mine!" The other woman howls as they begin brawling, scratching or even pulling each other's hair out.

"How the fuck are you two claiming ownership over him if you don't even know his _name." _Kisame growls as the two women shut up, obviously Kisame has won.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE KISAME!" Wait a second, isn't that the new Akatsuki chick...? That one who stole Orochimaru's ring...? Never mind... She didn't matter.

* * *

><p>After a while after going through a pattern of questions, Kakuzu was fed up, thank God he was on the last question so he could get the fuck out of here! "Which king was married to Eleanor of Aquitaine? A: Henry I, B: Henry V, C: Henry II or D: Richard I?"The first cougher answered with three coughs and the second with one cough. Wait a second... He recognized the second cougher now... Itachi was the first sometimes but mostly the second and... the imposter was Deidara... Kakuzu is going to skin Deidara alive. For real.<p>

"C. Henry II." He answers coolly as the producer frowns.

"You sure Kakuzu?" The producer asks suspiciously as Kakuzu answers him cockily,

"Yes." He answers in an unusual tone, a _happy_ tone (God forbid)

"Your answer is correct and you've won one million ryō, however, Kakuzu, we have found survelliance footage that you have hidden answerers in the audience giving you the answers..." SHIT! The producer clicks his tongue as he continues, "That means we have to strip you of your winnings and you, my friend, have to give us the value of your winnings, in other words, you have just been fined one million ryō." Holy fuck, he didn't even have that much! He and Hidan spent it on that mansion... Holy fuck, they still owed one million ryō to the other Akatsuki for lending it to them, especially Itachi... Shit.

"Ummmm... Can I have a few moments to talk with my partner?"

"You never told me you were gay." WHAT THE HELL?

"Ummmm... Clearly, you've been mistaken, I'm not gay..."

"You're a liar as well as a cheater." Damn... Two accusations now? And why the hell had that dumb producer thought he was gay...?

"Ummmm... I just asked you a question, can you please answer it?"

"Of course. However, the 'Andes' will have to accompany you." Oh shit...

"Fine..." Kakuzu walked off off-stage sluggishly, the crowd booing him out. He had just lost all of his money. All of his beautiful money... gone. Hidan bursts through the door as Kakuzu (god forbid) bursts into _tears._ "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Hidan stops him by bitchslapping him. Ouch... It hurts goddamn it, it fucking _hurts._

_"_Fuck, how am i gonna pay off our mansion now dickwad? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Hidan punched the wall, onbviously pissed off as Kakuzu punched him.

"Shut up Hidan, I was the one who got fined!"

"Hidan..." Itachi looked at him as Kakuzu sniffled,

"What do you want?"

"You owe me one million ryō."

* * *

><p>(恐い) (Kowaii) = the word for 'scary' in Japanese<p>

(馬鹿) (Baka) = I assume you know what this word means but for those that don't, it means "idiot" and it is a _very_ rude name to call someone in Japan, even jokingly.

And yes, I know who Tony Blair is... Anyway...

Review and subscribe if you want!


	2. Plenty of Fish

**AN: **

**This is my second mini fanfiction in the collection and this time, Kisame is getting punk'd... Just kidding! Anyway, to start everything off, I'd like to thank my beta-reader lollipops suck for inspiring me with hilarious mini fanfiction ideas and I'll also credit her for coming up with most of the fan fiction titles, as I unfortunately, have a lack of ideas when it comes to fan fiction titles except when I have a lot of muse, also I'd like to thank her for general editing and also helping me out with some of the dialogue :3 (I know I've already said all this but hey, I'm can't thank her enough ;3 and also, thanking her for coming up with the usernames for Kisame and Ebihime ;3)**

**So, anyway, this is for your entertainment, so enjoy. Just a little bit of warning, there isn't that much swearing in this or shizz like that but (lmao) there is some crazy sh!t there and there. And any names that are real people in real life is purely coincidental. And secondly, I don't use PlentyofFish, so I'm only just guessing random shizz XD**

Plenty of Fish

Kisame creeped down the hall on tip-toes, Itachi was out with his girlfriend so this was the perfect opportunity...! To sneak on his computer, yes, the perfect opportunity, mwhahahahahaha! Let's not get carried away... He then bumps into something as he chews on his fingertips, ouch, he forgot his teeth were effing _sharp. _A vase wobbles, and Kisame watches in horror as it tips closer and closer to the edge, precariously close to the hard wooden floor. "Don't fall... Please?" It fell anyway as Kisame panicked as he caught it with a relieved sigh. Putting it back on the table carefully, he took a deep breath as he reached Itachi's room. He grasps the doorknob and turns it, and the door magically opens... Or so he imagines. In reality, it's locked. Itachi, that clever bastard. Kisame tries everything to make the door budge or something! He. Must. Get. To. Itachi's. Computer. He grunts, he groans and then he realises he must sound like he's constipated. Damn... Then he realises... Yes, Konan's room! But what if she's inside? Damn it. He must try anyway... He walks down the hall as he knocks on the blue door as he hears someone would sounded like they were asleep fumbling around to get the door.

"Kisame, what the hell, it's one o'clock in the morning!" Konan hisses, now fully awake and pissed. "Is Itachi still out with his girlfriend?" Konan asks, her eyes drooping as she shuffles back to her bed. "Never mind, I need my beauty sleep." Kisame struggles to speak as he grabs a part of her body. Only to find it was... The wrong part to touch on a girl. Unless you were their boyfriend... "Kisame, what the fuck are you doing?" Konan is shaking, not from fear, but from (whats the other f word?)... oh yes... _Fury. _"Kisame, I suggest you get your hands off me, before I decide to wake up Nagato." Kisame immediately lets her go, after all, Nagato is the one person he doesn't want to mess with right now.

"Ummm... Konan, can I borrow a bobby pin?" Konan raises an eyebrow as she mutters something along the lines of 'Geez, why didn't you ask that when you woke me up in the first place...' before she rifles through a draw as her left hand scavenges through what looks like a treasure hoard of pins. Fishing out a bobby pin and handing it to Kisame, she then shuts the door and appears to return to sleeping. Kisame shrugs as he heads back to Itachi's room as he tries to remember how to pick a lock... Itachi taught him how to do this... Why can't he remember? All he can think about is the mysteries of Itachi's room. He then closes his eyes as he remembers, 'Insert the two points of a bobby pin into the lock if you're trying to pick a lock that requires a key. Turn the bobby pin, which simulates turning the key in the door.' There. He gently puts the bobby pin in the lock as he turns in clockwise as he hears a pop as the lock releases and the door opens. Mission accomplished.

Itachi's room is neat, not a single pile of clothing in sight, it's incredible how he manages to keep everything so neat. Kisame's own room on the other hand was just a huge pigsty. Kisame then slips through the door as he hears something shift, two framed photos threaten to topple off a bedside table. Kisame's forehead breaks out in a sweat, he then mimes trying to will the frames to stop toppling. They topple anyway. The frames land on the floor with a sickening crash, shards shards flying in all directions. Kisame freaks out, trying to scoop up the glass shards. He carries the handful of glass shards to a nearby bin, they slide out of his hands and fall under some glass Coca Cola bottles. He conceals the frames in Itachi's coat pocket, they can stay there for now. He picks up the two photos. The first photo is of Itachi giving Sasuke a piggyback ride and both of them facing the camera. It's kind of depressing that such a cute kid has turned so bloodthirsty. Kind of like a rabid rabbit. The second picture has a _really _hot chick in it, Kisame slips the picture in his pocket, he'll interrogate Itachi later about this girl. He he he.

But back to the mission. He tip-toes over to the computer, looking back over his shoulder to double-check the door's closed. Good, it's closed. He presses the button that turns the laptop on as the screen lights up, it was in sleep mode. Ah, it appears Itachi's girlfriend had been talking to someone called 'fallenxangel77' She had mentioned she had a friend called Tenshi, perhaps this was said friend? Never mind. Kisame fingers tap the browser bar as he types in 'plenty of fish . com' The page loads and lo and behold, Plenty of Fish. He grins wickedly as he moves the mouse over to the username bar and types in 'BigFishStick' and finally his password ********. Did you honestly think Kisame would show his password to anybody? The page load as a message pops up,

PrawnStar (1:09:12 AM): errrr

PrawnStar (1:09:14 AM): hello?

Kisame raises an eyebrow, interesting username. He searches this 'PrawnStar' up as he bowls over in amazement. "Oh my God." There was another sea creature person in existence! He was not alone! He immediately knows he must reply to her!

BigFishStick (1:10:20 AM): hello ;)

PrawnStar (1:10:24 AM): hello yourself ;)

BigFishStick (1:10:29 AM): what are you up to?

PrawnStar (1:10:35 AM): nothing much... just heating another frozen meal for one... again...

BigFishStick (1:10:39 AM): awwwwww, i'm sorry about that :(

PrawnStar (1:10:51 AM): its lonely, being a shrimpheaded girl in a human dominanted world. I only wish that somewhere out there there's someone who feels the same way... who would accept me for who I am, even if they can see my digestive tract.

BigFishStick (1:10:55 AM): -sigh- i get what you mean, i can never get a girlfriend because i have blue skin and gills v...v

PrawnStar (1:11:09 AM): and my bulbous eyes and antennae don't have suitors lining up at the door...

BigFishStick (1:11:15 AM): you know, life sucks being part sea creature v...v

PrawnStar (1:11:27 AM): it does, it does. So, tell me about yourself kisame...

PrawnStar (1:11:32 AM): I mean BigFishStick!

BigFishStick (1:11:38 AM): yes... wait a sec, how do you know my name?

BigFishStick (1:11:40 AM): o.O

PrawnStar (1:11:48 AM): I... uh... we went to school together and I remember you! Yeah... thats it... but I guess you dont remember me... KISAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IM TIRED OF THE GAMES I WANT TO MEET YOU

BigFishStick (1:11:53 AM): omg, ebihime?

BigFishStick (1:11:55 AM): is that you?

BigFishStick (1:11:59 AM): where have you been living?

PrawnStar (1:11:48 AM): YOU REMEMBER ME OH MY GOD MY VOODOO WORKED!

BigFishStick (1:11:59 AM): what voodoo o...o

BigFishStick (1:12:06 AM): are you still in kirigakure?

PrawnStar (1:12:18 AM): its my hopes and dreams praying that you'd remember me... and no, I'm under the sea now

BigFishStick (1:12:20 AM): really...?

BigFishStick (1:12:25 AM): lol, is your laptop water-proof c:

PrawnStar (1:12:27 AM): no...

BigFishStick (1:12:37 AM): so, where do you wanna meet up?

BigFishStick (1:12:45 AM): there's a dango shop... next to the kiri academy *heart*

PrawnStar (1:12:49 AM): your house. WHERE DO YOU LIVE KISAME

BigFishStick (1:12:50 AM): erm...

PrawnStar (1:12:55 AM): or thats good too

BigFishStick (1:12:59 AM): i live with a flatmate...

BigFishStick (1:13:05 AM): he has a gf o.o

PrawnStar (1:13:17 AM): oooh she must be all over you

BigFishStick (1:13:23 AM): eh, not really, she's just a bit of a b.i.t.c.h sometimes

BigFishStick (1:13:34 AM): buts that's because she's been a bit moody lately...

BigFishStick (1:13:39 AM): must be on her period... v...v

PrawnStar (1:13:45 AM): I'm never on my period :D so I'm always happy. always...

BigFishStick (1:13:49 AM): yeah, she like always yells at me if i wake her up v...v

BigFishStick (1:13:54 AM): and once i walked in on her vomiting like nuts o...o

PrawnStar (1:14:03 AM): she sounds like a nutcase. and you should always stay away from nutcases, honey.

BigFishStick (1:14:09 AM): my flatmate thinks she must be pregnant or something o...O

PrawnStar (1:14:13 AM): I would lay my eggs for you.

BigFishStick (1:14:18 AM): really? do you mean that? *heart*

PrawnStar (1:14:24 AM): I'm laying them right now, so you can fertilize them.

BigFishStick (1:14:27 AM): so... do you have a webcam?

BigFishStick (1:14:31 AM): i wanna speak face to face :3

BigFishStick (1:14:35 AM): cuz i must see your pretty face

Kisame at this point was obsessed by this girl, dying to see her face, to hear her face... He's trailing off now... Finally there is a message that pops onto his computer 'Prawnstar has requested to continue this conversation via webcam, do you accept this request?' Kisame clicked the 'OK' button as he saw the girl who hence the name did look like a prawn. Big black eyes, antennae, dark orange hair and pink skin. His eyes move to what's in her hands... What the... Holy shizznuts! It's fanart. Fanart of him and Itachi making out. And they're both... Oh my God. Kisame turns as pale as milk as he looks away, blinded by this sight. "Kisame, are you okay?" She asks but he is oblivious. This is the perfect time for Itachi to return with his girlfriend. And to unveil a little bit of the bullshit he said about her... She only ever yelled at him once... But at the time he was desperate...

"Kisame, what is that vile picture on my computer?" Itachi is obviously pissed off and Kisame doesn't blame him. "Holy hell... KISAME! WHO THE HELL IS THAT GIRL? IS THAT PLENTYOFFISH?" Kisame shrinks as Itachi's girlfriend turns towards the screen, her lavender colored eyes widened,

"What the hell is that thing you drew of my boyfriend and Kisame?" Ebihime shrinks slightly away from the screen as Kisame cowers, shielding his head in case Itachi or his girlfriend punch him in the head. More likely his girlfriend.

"It's yaoi fanart.. IT'S MY SECOND MOST FERVERENT PASSION AFTER YOU KISAMEEEE!" Kisame blinks as Itachi's eyebrow twitches.

"I'm sorry my pink and orange lover, but we can never meet again..." Kisame says, excusing himself from the situation. He can't go out with a girl who's just gonna use him as inspiration for her... second most ferverent passion.

"Kisame, I officially am putting a burglary alarm in my room..." Itachi looks off at the side as his girlfriend simmers beside him, looking much like of that of a ticking timebomb.

"... My flatmate's being a bitch..." Kisame says slowly as Itachi's head snaps around as a vein in his girlfriend's temple pulses.

" ... Excuse me?" Itachi says slowly, the tone stating that he's royally pissed. "Be right back..." Itachi then goes to his bedroom cupboard and fetches out a metal baseball bat and hands it to his girlfriend, "It's okay, I have insurance."

* * *

><p><strong>If you're wondering what Itachi's refering to in the last line, he's asking his girlfriend to destroy his laptop XD<strong>

**Tenshi** (天使) is a Japanese word for angel.

**Ebihime **(海老姫) is Japanese for 'prawn princess'

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	3. Puppet Love

**AN: This is my third mini fanfiction in the collection and this time, Sasori is our victim (HWAH! :D)... Just kidding! Anyway, to start everything off, I'd like to thank my beta-reader lollipops suck for everything she's done to edit my fanfictions *heart***

**So, anyway, this is for your entertainment, so enjoy. Just a little bit of warning, there isn't that much swearing in this or shizz like that but there is some _very _disturbing shizz in this fanfiction at the end. Just warning you... This isn't as much comedy as the last two... If there is comedy in it, most of it is black humor... Just sayin'.**

PUPPET LOVE 

Sasori sighs in irritation as he walks around the big building known as a 'mall'. He needed a new puppet, so he was searching for a mannequin or even a suitable human worthy of the honour of becoming his next creation. Finally he sees a mannequin in a shop window. His brown eyes appraise it critically. After a few long seconds, he shrugs. It will have to do. Reaching behind the glass display to take it, Sasori starts when the mannequin topples down. He reaches behind the glass display, the mannequin topples down as it lands on the ground in front of . Picking it up, he turns to leave, only to be stopped... "Excuse me, you can't take that." She is leaning against the counter, and the expression on her face is serious. "You can't take that." She repeats as Sasori rolls his eyes. He can take whatever he damn likes!

"Umm... Yes, I can." Sasori replies in a cocky tone which gets on the girl's nerves, she pushes herself over the counter and strides over. She puts her hands on her hips, she looks down at the kneeling Sasori with extreme contempt. Frustration is rolling off her in waves; all the more to mock her with. "It's covered in price tags, therefore I'll buy it and go." Sasori states matter-in-factly which causes the girl's eyebrow to twitch.

"That doesn't mean it's for sale, now put it back, _now_." She growls threateningly then a tall man strides over as she gulps, "A-a-akio-kancho-san, I was just telling this man that the mannequin wasn't for sale, really..." She looked really scared, a sweatdrop trickling down her forehead as she laughs nervously

"Risaki, get back to work and stop being so belligerent to customers, _please._" Risaki gives Sasori a dirty look as she strides back to the counter and sits down in front of a computer. A woman comes up and appears to be asking for assistance. "I'm sorry sir, but it's true what Risaki said, you can't take the mannequin, it's part of our display..." The manager looks at him apologetically, then this 'Risaki' taps on the keyboard and scans a barcode of a box the woman's holding.

"I apologize sir. Good day." Sasori is being polite but really, he's very annoyed. He's becoming impatient with this 'mall'. Sasori then eyes the girl, she is quite pretty, and she is... Puppet material. Sasori abandons the mannequin, he creeps over towards her and snatches her from behind, grabbing onto her waist and pulling her off the wheelie chair.

"What the-" Risaki cries out as he drags her out of the shop, the girl screams her head off. "RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!" The witnesses just begin chuckling, saying ridiculous things like, 'young love!' or (god forbid) 'teenagers'. Sasori is TWENTY FIVE. He is no longer in teenhood.

"Excuse me suh, I believe this woman is in need of assistance, would you put her down please?" Sasori is just getting irritated now. Sasori looks the mall security guard up and down. He's fat from a prolonged diet of 'donuts', and resembles something like the wrong end of a pig. "RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!" It was almost comical how he pronounced his 'y's. "RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH! Put the lady down boy!" Sasori glares at the mall cop, he hoists the girl on his shoulders, the level of anger slowly rising. He then tries to walk past the cop who just pushes him back. Sasori of course, having no time for such atrocities, pushes back. The cup of takeout coffee in the mall cop's left hand falls to the ground, the polystyrene cup busts open and spills hot coffee everywhere, the worst affected, the cop's pants. "I'm losing mah patience kid, now leave the lady alone and git out of mah mall!" 'Risaki' immediately stops screaming, she is obviously sensing that Sasori is getting pissed off.

Slowly, she starts to grip Sasori tighter. he smiles. She's a slow learner, but learns nonetheless. "My girlfriend is just playing the RAPE game. She's perfectly fine. isn't that right... _darling_?" Risaki quivers as she nods as the cop is frozen. "Now please, let me proceed with my browsing. Oh, and just thought you should know that I'm _twenty_ five." Sasori then stalks off in the direction of the elevators as Risaki is silent before she speaks,

"Ummm… Can you put me down please? I'm getting motion sickness." Sasori then shakes his head, as the girl groans, she does look kind of sick…

"How can I trust whether or not you're just gonna take a runner?" Sasori then reaches the elevator that he used to get into the 'mall', hoisting her more over her shoulder to assure himself she won't fall off. Her dark borwn hair trails over his shoulders like a waterfall, then the elevator doors magically open, he steps inside and puts her down. She leans against the elevator wall, her jade eyes half shut, steadily growing paler by the second.

"Thanks..." She mumbles, he looks her over again. Her physique is okayish, he'll make sure his puppet model is a little better, pretty face and... something seems off about her... Her attitude maybe. She's wearing an airbrushed blue shirt, jeans shorts and blue ballet flats. Feeling blue today? The doors re-open with a loud ding, he picks her up and carries her bridal style. He carries her over to his car. Deidara is lounging in the front seat, playing with his phone, his fingers tapping the phone keys erratically. He looks up, perhaps hearing Sasori approaching.

"Nice... You picked up a chick..." He says with a smile, Sasori frowns. What could he possibly mean?

"Who ever said I was picking this chick up?" Sasori growls, he holds Risaki with one arm and opens the back car door. Putting Risaki down, he motions for her to get inAfter a few frightening seconds she does, settling into the back and leaning against the window. She looks a little green.

"...?" She looks up, a questioning breath, she may have heard Deidara properly.

"Your arms." Deidara states, Sasori glares at him sternly. Deidara was seriously getting on his nerves.

"I'm driving." He hisses verging onto a savage snarl. Deidara then moves to get in the back.

"If I get to sit in the back with that, then sure Sasori, go ahead." Damn you Deidara... Damn you. But there are two ways to play this game.

"Get in the back." Deidara's face lights up, he opens the car door and switches around to the back, "But she's going in the front with me." Deidara pauses, Risaki stirs, she goes doe-eyed. And not in the pretty way, the scared shitless way.

"N-n-n-n-no!" She shakes like a pertrified rabbit, as Deidara puts his hands on his hips.

"You can't have both, un." Sasori inhales sharply as he grips the wheel, Deidara was so annoying!

"Well, you aren't going to chat her up in the back either ..." Sasori whispers in an irritated tone as Risaki speaks loudly,

"What the hell...?" She says as she awakens from her groggy state. "WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? What're you gonna do to me?" She hammers her hands against the windows as Deidara rolls his eyes,

"Sasori, you are such a stereotypical only child. Say honey, did I tell you that I'm an artist?" Risaki looks at Deidara who casually gets cosy with her, but Sasori knows his intentions.

"No, you didn't. What kind of art do you do?" Risaki asks in an interested tone as she starts getting cosy too... DAMN YOU DEIDARA!

"No demonstrations in my car! And shut up Deidara, you didn't have siblings either ..." Deidara ignores Sasori as he focuses on Risaki, an interested look on his face,

"I sculpt with clay... say sweetheart, would you mind modeling for me?" He winks at her, Risaki's eyes light up as she blushes and giggles like a schoolgirl, Deidara has her wrapped around his little finger. "You have a face that deserves to be captured by art."

"NO! She is mine!" Sasori yells, becoming agitated, you could even classify it as extremely pissed off.

"Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuure!" Risaki says, winking back, blushing an even deeper red as she speaks, "Awwwww... Thank you..!" CURSE YOU DEIDARA!

"Don't thank me for the truth love." Sasori then kickstarts the car as he puts the car in reverse,he looks around and glares at Deidara.

"Blondie, what part of she's mine don't you understand?" He then focuses on behind him, all clear.

"Shut the hell up, leave him alone!" Risaki interjects, Sasori opens his mouth to say something. Damn, this woman is too bossy for her own good.

"Fine." He growls as he sweatdrops, besides, Deidara only has fifteen minutes, he won't have her for long.

Risaki jerks her thumb at him as she looks at Deidara, "...Is he a bitch all the time?" She whispers loudly, Sasori twitches, honestly he wants to kill this girl right now but he doesn't have him puppet creation tools with him.

"Well, its the 21st century Sasori, women arent owned. Risaki is her own woman! I bet this neanderthal took you out kicking and screaming, right love?" Risaki then clings to Deidara, burying her face into his neck. Sasori's jaw drops. Deidara, you bitch!

"Exactly.." She says as she points and cries, Sasori then continues driving, trying to ignore Deidara.

" ..." Sasori is speechless, as he looks at the rear view mirror, checking if any cars are behind them.

"You deserve a man who treats you right, dont you?" Risaki nods, continuing to listen to Deidara, "Besides, Sasori can't please a woman." Sasori goes wide-eyed, what did Barbie just say?

"EXCUSE ME?" He howls at the top of his voice, Risaki nearly jumps with fright. Risaki then edges away, Sasori glares at her through the rear view mirror, he's pissed at her.

"I think you went too far..." Risaki looks at Sasori, her eyes apologetic. Sasori looks at her from the rear view mirror, she smiles at him. Maybe she still likes him, or is she just sorry for him?

"Lets just say that Sasori forgot a part when he made himself." As far as Sasori can recall, he didn't forget anything...

"Ummm, no I didn't ... and besides, you don't know do you?" Deidara gives Sasori a withering look and Sasori rolls his eyes, screw you Deidara.

"Ummm... ew..." Risaki speaks in a disgusted tone, her lip curling to express disgust to top it all off. "By the way, my name's Risaki..." Risaki looks around as Deidara's head snaps around to look at her.

"I know, I'm not an idiot." Sasori replies as Risaki doesn't reply, hurt by his comment.

"Sasori never brings girls around, so he's inexperienced." Sasori does SO bring girls around... What, is Deidara a peeping tom or something...? Ew... "Risaki... a beautiful name for a beautiful girl... you need a real man on the arm of that." Deidara smiles... He smiles wider than that creepy cat from the Alice in Wonderland movie.

Sasori then takes a deep breath. He. Can't. Take. It. Anymore. "Deidara, I swear I am gonna drive towards the first cliff we come across..." Deidara suddenly shutted up, after all they were driving across a bridge. Risaki then smiles as she leans back and soaks up the sun. Then there's a song on the radio, Sasori turns it up, interested by the tune. "_Mummy they call me names, they wouldn't let me play, I'd run home, sit and cry almost everyday..."_ Risaki pops up like a piece of toaster jumping up from a toaster as she gushes,

"Oh my God, how did you know this is my favorite song?" Sasori gives her a funny look, Risaki frowns, "What, this bitch was bullying me at work and so this song helped me through..."

"Did you hear what he said before? Sasori's a homicidal rapist." Deidara says as Risaki immediately stops lip syncing, she begins to freak out, first pulling at her hair, second chewing her lips, finally then she starts crying, of fear.

"OH MY GOD, RAPE, RAPE, save me Deidara!" She clings onto Deidara as a smile curls on his face, oh how Sasori desires to punch a hole right in the middle of it.

"Don't worry, he won't touch a hair on your sweet little head." Deidara puts an arm around her, and finally Sasori can't take it anymore. Slamming on the brakes, the car screeches deafeningly to a halt. He then gets out of the car and marches around, ripping open the back car door. Snarling under his breath, he dragged a clingy Risaki out, slammed the door and shoved Risaki in the front. Next he grabbed Deidara by the scruff of the neck, and threw his across the road into a particularly rocky patch of grass. Returning to the wheel, he ignites the engine with a cruel roar. The car starts again, speeding down the road like there's no tomorrow.

"!" Risaki yelled as she struggled to get out of the seatbelt, but to no avail, Sasori has locked her in place.

"JUMP OUTTA THE CAR!" Deidara screamed, and Risaki took her chance. Bursting out of the seatbelt, Sasori is too surprised to put her back in her seat, until he reaches across and pushes her back down just as she unlocks the car door. Only then does he realise that's he's just touched her (ample) chest. Risaki freezes. Her face turns bright red with shame. Then anger. She then claws her way out of the seat, struggling to get into the back of the car.

"Holy shit, get back in your seat!" Sasori tries to pull her back in the front but the window is wide open and she falls out. To fall out is an understatement. She is sucked out more like. Her body hits the asphalt road hard as she skids several metres, stripping the skin off her legs and arms and earning a bloodied face. And a few broken bones along for the ride too. She struggles to stand, her lip is split, blood dribbles down her chin but she doesn't see the ominous, big truck coming right for her. It hits her within seconds as she flies several metres as she hits the road again, not getting up again. The school bus behind the truck screeches to a halt, schoolkids and driver pile out to help Risaki.

Sasori looks on in horror, "OH MY GOD!" He says, why is he just sitting there? He stops the car as he leans against the wheel as Deidara wails,

"NUUU I WAS *THIS* CLOSE TO BANGING HER!" Deidara does a sign with his fingers, indicating how 'close' he truly was.

"You fucking IDIOT!" Sasori yells at the top of his voice, too angry to think about calming down.

"FUUUUUUUUU SASORI" Deidara wails again, THE BASTARD only ever thinks about banging chicks...

"You've gone and fucking killed my girlfriend!" Sasori yells, before pausing, did he just call Risaki his girlfriend? (God forbid)

"LEAVING THE WINDOW OPEN WASN'T SMART SASORI!" Deidara retorts, Sasori shrinks back, he has a point. But Risaki... Sasori is going insane. And he's not even supposed to feel any emotional shit or anything like that, and yet, he feels like someone's gone and drove a missile into his heart. "Puh leaze she was sooo into me..." Deidara rolls his eyes, Sasori ignores him, he's only known this girl for an hour and he's _crying _over her. Though puppet's can't cry tears, he feels like he is.

"Miss, are you okay?" A schoolchild pokes Risaki with a stick as she doesn't respond. She must be dead...

"HER SPLEEN IS ON YOUR WINDSCREEN!" Deidara yells as the bus driver turns and looks in horror, a grey fleshy thing is in the middle of his windscreen. Blood splattered around it, it appeared to bust itself open on impact. The most grotesque bug ever. Sasori then runs over as he picks up her body, her belly is busted open and it appears that her intestines were screwed and some of her innnards were missing. "She's not okay, I promise!" Deidara yelled. Ignoring the blonde terrorist, Sasori touches Risaki's cheek lightly. She still doesn't respond, Sasori notices her eyes are closed, smart girl closed her eyes before she hit the road. The child pokes her again insistently. Sasori pushes the kid away roughly, respect for the dead goddamn it!

"RISAKIIIII!" He yells, trying to get her to 'wake' up. Risaki moves her shoulder as her eyes flutter,

"Ow, that's still tender." She speaks as Sasori pokes the layer of flesh on her stomach.

"Sorry..." Sasori says as he retracts his hand, the bus driver makes the kids turn around, he himself is vomiting on the side of the road.

"Oh my darling, are you alright?" Deidara looks down at her, already forgetting his previous outbursts. Risaki gets irritated, fast.

"My guts are all over the road, do I look okay?" Risaki replies, the wound in her stomach splinches as she gasps, most of the nerves must be gone, so she might not feel much.

"We can fix you!" Sasori feels like he's insisting a little too much, but Risaki shakes her head.

"You never told me your name, One With Hot Temper. And no, you can't fix me, One With Hot Temper." Risaki is dying of internal organ loss and yet can still poke fun at him.

"Yes I will, I'm a doctor!" Deidara points up at the sky and gives a dashing smile. Some might be infected with Might Gai Syndrome (MGS).

"My name's Sasori." Sasori replies as Risaki just looks at the bus driver, who's still vomiting.

"You said you were an artist, Deidara." Risaki then turns her attention on Blondie... BUSTED. "I like your eyes Sasori..." She smiles like a little child and Sasori suddenly feels all gooey inside.

"I'm uhhh... both." Deidara is obviously lying and Risaki knows it. " FUCK YOU'RE DELIRIOUS!" He tries to shake her shoulders but she shoves him off roughly.

"You have barbie doll syndrome? I see why you're called 'Barbie'. And ummmm... I'm sane Deidara-kun." Deidara doesn't like his new honorific. It's obviously by the expression on his face. They're five minutes away, they can walk!

"Sshhhh don't talk, rest and get better." Deidara is probably a bit blond-brained. Because it's obvious that Risaki isn't going to make it out alive. But Sasori refuses to believe such things.

"You'll stay with me damn it!" He looks down at her sternly, a child pokes Risaki with a stick, Risaki must be used to children because she doesn't respond harshly, only a mere shrug. Only then when the kid pokes Sasori is when it gets an annoying element. "Deidara... get the kid off me..." Sasori hisses through his teeth, Deidara turns around, looking directly at the kid,

"Give me that stick!" He motions with his hands, he even grabs hold of the stick but the child won't take that. He pulls it out of his grasp roughly.

"NUUU, MAH STICK!" The kid speaks naïvely, too naïvely even for a kid that looks his age, he looks like he's ten. Or a very tall seven-year old. The next immature person in this situation is Deidara. He then chases the kid into the bus, the kid screams as he drops the stick and retreats into the bus. Crowing about his new prize, Deidara begins hitting Sasori with the stick. Even if Sasori doesn't have nerves, it's still irritating nevertheless.

"Shame bitch, I can't feel a thing-" Sasori then is cut off by the fury of a pissed off dying woman.

"Enough name calling! Good God, both of you are so immature!" Risaki yells, her lungs expand and the sight is... sickening. Yet fascinating. "Fuck... Sasori, take me to a goddamn hospital already..." Sasori takes the hint as he runs to the car, he props Risaki in the back seat as he jumps into the driver's seat, through the window. He shuts the windows, did he forget something? Nope. He begins driving as he pulls up to his house, a smile on his face. Fuck. He forgot Deidara. Oh well.

In the distance, a string of profanities worthy of Hidan is dimly heard, as Deidara turns his wrath on the poor, innocent children.

Sasori then carries her to the front door, taking a deep breath as he KICKS it down, he'll make a new door, he then proceeds to his workshop.

* * *

><p><span> TEN MINUTES LATER<span>

Sasori looks at the dead girl for one moment, her body is dead but her heart is still beating, in it's new body. Since she was still alive when the transferral was done, she'll have her own personality, besides, what's the fun of a relationship if your girlfriend doesn't talk? Deidara then kicks down the door of his workshop, fury tinting his face. "What. The. Fuck?" He hisses, absolutely livid and Sasori doesn't blame him.

"Sasori? Am I dead? Did you die too?" Risaki asks, her tone wistful as her puppet eyes blink.

"No, you're alive. But you aren't the same as you were..."

"That's okay. As long as you're here with me."

"WHAT? AFTER ALL OF MY _FLAWLESS_ WOOING YOU'RE GOING FOR HIM?"

* * *

><p>茉莉花 = <em>Risaki <em>= translates as 'jasmine blossom'

Kancho-san = a common name to refer to as 'boss' in Japan


	4. Flowers For My Valentine

**AN: This is my fourth mini fanfiction in the collection and this time, Zetsu is my victim. It's been ages since I've written one of these, I've been so busy lately D:**

**But continuing on, I am giving you Flowers for my Valentine, personally is one of my favorites. I'd like to credit lollipop for giving me this title and plot idea which is an ingenious title and plot idea. I'd also like to thank her for being the awesomest beta-reader EVAH. This one is rated T; because it isn't that violent apart from plant homicide. And as far as I know, plants don't bleed...**

Flowers For My Valentine

Zetsu walks through the aisles, wandering back and forth in puzzlement. Why? Because he's just met the most beautiful, sophisticated PLANT ever! Oh yes, she's like his dream woman! Even if she's a bit shy and doesn't talk much, he likes that. He wanders back down the aisle and stands in front of this beautiful creature. It's a pansy, the most beautiful of her kind, that lily over there bends over, it's like she's jealous! Psh, but Zetsu doesn't like her, she's too... Bendy. This pansy is a blend of the most flattering shades of purple, with the deepest shade of purple is the centre shaded by white. A bright yellow spot dominates the deep purple. "Watashi no ai." The white Zetsu speaks, gently caressing the blossom with a gentle hand.

"Watashi no amai..." The black Zetsu speaks, there is an overbearing silence from the white half.

"Her love is mine!" The white Zetsu argues back, the black Zetsu just rolls his eye arrogantly. The white Zetsu then looks at the price tag... Oh no! He cannot buy his love! Oh why must his pansy love be so expensive! He has no money, and he can't buy his love! The shop clerk watches him like a hawk, so he can't take her by force. He has to ask someone for money... He must have her! He then shuffles over to Sasuke, he insisted that Madara and Sasuke take him to the plant shop, it comforts him that plants don't reject him for being green. "Sasuke-kun?" He pokes Sasuke's shoulder gently, the guy isn't known for a good temperament.

Sasuke doesn't answer, he's ignoring him. He just hates him because he's part plant, it wasn't his fault he was born part plant! He was born that way... And his 'watashi no ai' loves him like that. She hasn't told him herself but he knows she does. He feels sad he's being ignored, but Sasuke's just being mean today. Even Madara had to force Sasuke to go to the shops with him. He pokes Sasuke again slightly harder, because he wants his attention. Sasuke yet again ignores him; Zetsu then punches his shoulder hard finally earning Sasuke's attention. Just the wrong kind. "Zetsu, what the hell was that for?" Sasuke hisses, looking absolutely livid... Oops.

"Can you give me some money..." Zetsu then attempts the cute eyes, "Please?" Sasuke just glares at him, hmmmm... Cute eyes used to work, people would drop their wallet and run away... Though Zetsu never knew why they ran away. Perhaps the cuteness was too much. Sasuke looks down on him, looking very much like off a hawk. Zetsu suddenly feels very scared. Sasuke is way scarier than Itachi... Itachi was scary because he was too calm... It was sad that he died. Zetsu didn't get to eat him because Madara said no. That made Zetsu very sad.

"No." Sasuke replies before turning around again, Zetsu thinks his heart just broke. Because his chest hurts so bad, it hurts to be part-plant and in love with a plant. People will never understand him; instead they misunderstand him. Which is sad. So very sad. Zetsu wants to cry; but he doesn't want to look like a crybaby in front of her.

"!" Madara peeks his head out from behind an aisle and walks over, arms crossed over his chest. Did Zetsu call him at the wrong time?

"What is it Zetsu?" Madara sounds mad, Sasuke thens around to pay attention to Madara though he turns back around again.

"Sasuke's being mean, He isn't buying me 'watashi no ai'!" Madara pauses, maybe he's confused by what Zetsu means...

"Zetsu, have you ever heard of the phrase 'love can't be bought'?" Zetsu facepalms, then he grabs Madara's hand and drags him down the aisle, then he lets go so he can ecstatically point at his love. She's so pretty and lovely... And she smells so nice.

"See? That's my 'watashi no ai'! Isn't she so pretty Madara? Isn't she?" Madara looks unimpressed so far, Zetsu sighs longingly, doting on his sweet pansy lady with sweet nothings.

"... Sasuke, just buy Zetsu the plant and let's go!" Zetsu is saddened, Madara isn't respecting his girlfriend and that's disrespecting Zetsu too. So Zetsu is now very sad. Why can't he be loved as who he is? And why can't people accept that he and she are in love?

"... No, I don't have any money on me..." Sasuke replies before turning his attentions on Zetsu, "And I'm not spending it on a plant..." Zetsu then picks up the heavy plant, she needs to have some water, she must be so heavy because she's thirsty!

"... Fine, Zetsu, I'll buy it." She is not an 'it', she's a she, and she is a pretty plant, and he loves her so! Madara goes to the counter, Zetsu waddles over, plant in his arms in a tender embrace. "Put it on the counter Zetsu." No, he wants to finish his hug.

"No..." Zetsu replies, clutching her even tighter to him. Madara sighs in irritation before he rips off the price tag on her clay pot and hands it to the clerk who scans the barcode. Madara then hands the clerk some money and heads for the store exit, Sasuke close behind. Zetsu shrugs and follows them. They walk across the road, "Madara, Sasuke-kun, wait, up, 'watashi no ai' is heavy!" They don't hear him, he's struggling to keep her in his arms, but she's slipping. Zetsu then trips over something in the road, and falls on his face. He gets up quickly, he's alright. But where is... Oh no! The pot is shattered into a million clay fragments, the soil is scattered all over the road and it's like a sick floral crime scene. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY 'WATASHI NO AI' WHYYYYYY?" Zetsu kneels and then, yes, he begins to cry.

"You idiot, this is all you're fault, she's dead because of you, my watashi no amai is dead!" The black Zetsu howls in anguish, the white Zetsu is crying hysterically, unabe to stop these lonely tears from falling, the only plant that ever loved him in dying on the ground.

"Baka, you were the one holding her, you're the one that dropped her, baka!" The white half chided, now furious with the black Zetsu. White Zetsu's arm punched Black Zetsu, ouch, that hurt! Black Zetsu then punched back, both crying in pain. Madara walks over, looking Zetsu in the eye earnestly.

"Sorry Zetsu, but it was never meant to be."

* * *

><p>(私の愛) Watashi no ai = 'my love'<p>

(私の甘い) Watashi no amai = 'my sweet'


	5. Blind Dates Suck

**AN:**** Wow, it's been… Ages since I last updated… Anyway, thank you to those who reviewed, I love you *heart* and yes, this is indeed a parody so the characters are a little bit OOC… Sorry about that… But anyway, it's high time that I owe you a new mini-fanfiction so I am writing one/several. I am planning on releasing bonus ones for Orochimaru (ex-member) and… maybe a Madara one when he's not being Tobi to make up for not releasing this one… **

**Okay, I put all the Akatsuki members names on a dice number and I use a ten sided die. As you can see Kakuzu (7) was first… I tagged each Akatsuki member with a random number, then Kisame (1), Sasori (10), Zetsu (9) and now… *rolls die* Hooray! We got Hidan! (8) I'll decide on Madara (maybe) or Orochimaru with a coin… Because it's a pain to find a virtual twelve-side dice on the internet… Let alone a real one. Now enjoy! :D **

**Rated H for Hidan **

**Blind Dates Suck**

Hidan leaned against the front door, this party Deidara was throwing wasn't really his style, and it was boring him. "Yo. Hidan!" Oh great. Deidara-chan. Hidan just sighs, he's not allowed to kill anyone tonight and it's fucking irritating. "There's this chick I want you to meet." Deidara pushes over a woman in his direction. "That's Ayano."

"What the fuck Deidara?" Ayano looks livid and Hidan doesn't really blame her. Deidara rushes away quicksmart stranding Hidan with a complete pissed off stranger. "… Hidan's your name right?" She cups a glass of… Cranberry juice in her hands. She stares at him expectantly for a few minutes, before walking away, hips swaying in time to her shaking head. "Why do I even bother?" Ayano mutters loudly as Deidara watches her go.

"Well, Hidan, how would you feel on a blind date?" Is he serious? "Since you're not answering, I assume you mean yes. Okay, I'll drive you there tomorrow night." Fuck. He'd had been planning a mass slaughter tomorrow night! "Hey guys, Hidan said yes!" Hidan is going to strangle Deidara in his sleep. With his small intestine.

"No I didn't you dumb fu-" He is interrupted by Deidara dragging him over to the other Akatsuki members. Oh joy. Kakuzu and him were still in debt because Kakuzu had got fined by that shit TV show. And they were in debt to Itachi too. What a fucking killjoy.

"You'll really like her Hidan. Trust me." Hidan would never trust Deidara. Never ever. "Hidan, put away your scythe please…." He wants to kill Deidara; he didn't fucking agree to this shit! Frankly, he's getting sick of this fucking heretic.

* * *

><p>"Hidan, cheer up, this girl's really cool. You're gonna have a great time tonight" Hidan crosses his arms, secretly praying that Jashin will forgive him for breaking his promise to kill fifty people today. "Here we are." Deidara says, his fingers tap dancing on the steering wheel. It looks like a restaurant. Does he have to fucking pay for this bitch's food? Fuck. He can't afford it and it looks FUCKING expensive. Deidara parks the car and Hidan opens the car door. He didn't bother to change from his normal Akatsuki attire. Maybe if he pretends to get sick at the date, he can escape… Perfect plan. But how to pull it off…?<p>

Hidan gets out of the car and slams it behind him. Deidara drives off. Hidan takes a deep breath as he goes inside. He sees a girl sitting alone at a table and heads over. "You're Hidan right?"

"Who the fuck else would I be bitch?" He says smugly as the girl laughs at his 'self-introduction'. Hidan sits down in front of her. Pinkish-red eyes and white hair. An albino? "Yeah, a lot of people stare at me when they first see me. I'm Momoiro. But I prefer Momo." Pink? She's named Pink? Who the fuck is named Pink, seriously? "You must think I'm some sort of alien or something-"

"Can I have your orders please?" The waiter asks, Momo appears to think hard for a moment before she orders.

"I'll just have a salad. With no meat just tofu." … Why doesn't she eat meat? How can she not like meat? Vegetables? Hidan fucking loathes vegetables with a fucking passion.

"I'll have spare ribs. Fucking barbecue them right or I'll fucking rip your heart out and barbecue it and eat it right fucking in front of you." Momoiro stares at Hidan for a few seconds before looking away, rubbing the back of her head and staring towards the bathrooms longingly. Is she a vegan or something? This Momo chick is so weird…

"Certainly. Anything else?" Momoiro then speaks to the waiter as Hidan shakes his head and turns away, ignoring their short conversation. Can't believe he fucking gave up killing heretics for this shit…

"So Hidan, tell me… What are your interests? Tell me about yourself." Momoiro clasps her hands together and looks intently at Hidan. He has to make something up, no fuck that, he tell her what he fucking wants! "Deidara told me-" Deidara walks into the restaurant and walks over to them.

"Hello, how are you two doing, un?" Hidan raises his middle finger as Deidara stares at him in shock. "You want to be alone, un?" Fuck, wrong message, Hidan wanted him to go away but not for that reason!

"Ummm… Momoiro, I need to talk to Deidara…. Now. We'll be right back." Hidan gets up quickly, shaking the table as he drags Deidara down to the direction of the mens' toilets. He kicks open the door, the toilets are empty so Hidan can kill Deidara quickly and PAINFULLY. He rams Deidara against a wall. "What the fuck did you get me into?"

"… What are you talking about?" Deidara, what a FUCKING retard! But heretics of Jashin are always stupid. They don't understand that Jashin will bring punishment down upon them. "I'll pay your debts if you go on a second date with the chick." Hidan pauses for a second and lets Deidara go.

"What do you mean? Pay what debts?" Does he mean the mansion debts? The fine? What does he mean? Hidan has to know damn it!

"I'll pay all the fines. If… You get to home base with Momo." Um, what? "Goddamn it, I'll pay all your debts if you get on home *major* base with Momo!" Oh. What the fuck? Is this chick his lonely cousin or some shit?

"Fine…" Hidan stalks out of the bathrooms and returns to the table, Momoiro appears to be texting someone. But Hidan doesn't care who it is or who they are in the world. His spare ribs are already on the table, but her salad isn't.

"Hey, are you okay?" Momoiro seems genuinely concerned as Hidan nods, and sits down in front of his bowl filled to the brim with spare ribs. "Well, Hidan, you never told me and I'm curious… What are your views of religion, you seem like an interesting man."

"I'm Jashinist." Momoiro pauses and her mouth settles into a hard line. Did he say something wrong? "What?" Momoiro gets up suddenly as Hidan tries to get her to sit back down.

"Well, I protect the environment, animals big and small and protect them from nasty murderous people like you! And I'm sorry, I disagree with your views. Bye!" Momoiro storms off towards the restaurant door.

"Wait, I'll call you, okay?" Hidan calls after her, but she gives him the one-fingered salute and is gone before he can get up.

"Your bill." Hidan snatches the piece of paper out of the waiter's hand. How many drinks did she have? She took two bottles of five thousand ryō sake. So, he has to pay fifteen thousand ryō. He doesn't even have one thousand.

"I just need to go to the bathroom real fucking quick..."

* * *

><p>(桃色) Momoiro = 'pink' Name of Hidan's albino blind date =p Well, stay tuned for next week's edition!<p> 


	6. A Daring Piece

**AN:****Okay, I rolled the infamous ten-sided die I use to pick who my victim is. This time we got Deidara (3)! Mwhahahahahahahahahahahaha! Rated H for Hidan again :p  
>Pretty please review, it'll make me really happy =3<br>I'm so sorry I haven't updated in ages, please forgive me!  
><strong>

**A Daring Piece**

"I'm so bored… Should we play a game or something Deidara-senpai?" Tobi is whining, again. Deidara shrugs, the other Akatsuki members aren't saying anything. "TWISTER!" Tobi yells out suddenly, as arguments explode out everywhere. Wonderful. More noise. Just what Deidara wanted? Not. He has such a bad headache from that retard blabbering in his ear all day…

"No, swimming! Or Go Fish!" Kisame retorts to Tobi's suggestion, Pain looks annoyed and mutters something sounding like 'morons' under his breath. Deidara wants to blast someone to hell right now. His brain's going to blow up from all this petty arguing!

"Oh, what brilliant ideas… Yeah right. Why don't we all play Truth or Dare, un?" Deidara says sarcastically, earning unwanted attention from the other members.

"Deidara-senpai, that's an awesome idea!" Tobi says, scratching his head, he's thinking about something. "Hey, we should get some girls to play too!" Oh god no. Deidara isn't going to be the only guy here so he can't have the girls to himself. Damn!

Hidan sighs irritably, "I guess I could call Momo… Even if she's going to try to fucking murder me with a fork." He gets out a cellphone scrawled over with swearword graffiti (in permanent marker) and dials a number on a torn strip of paper. Deidara hopes that Momoiro will bring Ayano… Or if Sasori gets Risaki. That chick is in love with Deidara, he just knows it…

"I'll get Risaki…" Sasori says in a bored tone as he gets up and walks away leaving the living room faster than he came in. SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE! Deidara sighs and covers his face with his hands. Even if his extra clay-eating mouths lick his face he doesn't care in the moment. Because silence is golden, even though duct tape is silver.

Kisame balls up a fist; does he really have to get a girl? As far as Deidara knows, the poor guy doesn't have a girl's number… "Ummm… Yeah, I have a creepy yaoi fangirl's number…" …. He does have a girl's number! He leaves the room to go to the kitchen phone. He went swimming with his cellphone in his pocket and destroyed its circuits. Deidara hates this idea of Truth or Dare as much as any other member other than Tobi.

Itachi sighs before getting his cellphone out of his pocket, "I'll call my girlfriend." He says casually, going outside to get better reception. Deidara is alone in the room with Hidan, Kakuzu and Zetsu… And god forbid! Tobi.

"Watashi no ai is in a grave. I'll go dig her up." … Ok.

Is Zetsu a necrophiliac? That poor pansy. Zetsu has always had a thing for pansies. This is the fourth one. Tobi doesn't have a girl, Kakuzu scares all the girls away, Deidara's last girlfriend went for some CERTAIN RED HEADED BASTARD and Pain only needs Konan.

"Hey Hidan, ask if Momoiro can bring a friend, un. I set you up, after all." Hidan doesn't seem to hear Deidara as he clutches the phone to his ear. Deidara hates it when Hidan ignores him. Though it's kind of good too. When Hidan and Kakuzu aren't trying to kill each other, Hidan's threatening to kill the leader or other members of Akatsuki... He's the kind of man that appears in serial killer's nightmares.

"Yeah, I know you said that you'd fucking kill me if I ever called you again bitch but me and the guys are playing Truth and Dare and I fucking want you to be my partner, okay? Oh and fuck that's right I almost forgot that shit. Bring two of your girl friends bitch." There is some inaudible dialogue on the other line,

"Thank you Momo. Fuckity bye." Hidan hangs up and yells, "Momo's fucking in you retarded losers! And she's bringing two friends! Fuck yeah!" Next, Zetsu sprints into the room, smeared with dirt.

"Watashi no ai is gone!" White Zetsu screams, sprinting from wall to wall searching for her. "Someone dug her up! I don't know who but they STOLE her!" It might've rotted away; plants have a habit of doing that… Either that, or someone's dog dug 'her' up or something.

"I will look for someone. And kill them if they hurt her." The black half speaks as Zetsu goes back outside. He's probably going to pick the next plant he sees off the streets. Deidara feels sorry for the next person Zetsu finds. Zetsu is a cannibal after all; he'll probably eat them.

"Ebihime is coming…" Kisame says in a fearful tone, he's probably still traumatized by the incident on Plenty of Fish. Poor guy. Itachi's laptop was smashed up into a million fragments and that girl drew yaoi of Itachi and Kisame. Deidara kind of feels sorry for him. Even though it was pretty much Kisame's fault.

* * *

><p>Sasori then returns with Risaki who has her hands on her hips, "So, what do you want me to play?" Sasori then gestures her to sit down beside him, wrapping an arm around her waist and smirking at Deidara. "Ah. Truth or Dare. Fine, I'll play." Risaki says, coiling her arm around Sasori. Deidara wants to crow in triumph, she's sitting between Sasori and him. SCOOOOOOOORE!<p>

Itachi's girlfriend walks in muttering something along the lines of 'why am I doing this?' before sitting down next to Itachi, she looks like she's trying to hide her irritation but not very well. She looks like she is going to murder everyone with a chainsaw. She begins talking to Itachi, and their dialogue is inaudible, Deidara doesn't care anyway. It sounds boring. Deidara just looks at Risaki, it was tragic, no, IDIOTIC that she chose Sasori over him. Over Deidara's brilliant wooing. But he will not cease on wooing her!

Zetsu returns with… a fucking… saguaro CACTUS in tow. "This is my new watashi no ai! And she can talk!" The white Zetsu proudly presents this cactus that happens to be… some poor woman in a cactus costume. Deidara immediately regrets saying Truth or Dare even if it was for sarcasm purposes. Zetsu is now not only a cannibal but a kidnapper also. The woman looks about ready to faint… "Watashi no aiiiiii!"

"ZETSU! CATCH HER!" Kisame screams, frantically waving his arms but Zetsu is oblivious, until it's too late. There's an ominous thump as the woman faints, stranded on the ground in her bulky costume like some sort of impression of a turtle. She needed a name, so in his mind Deidara settled for Saboten.

"Whoa, who the fuck is that?" Hidan says pointing at the stunned cactus woman as Zetsu glares at Hidan darkly, it's almost like the room has gotten _colder._

"You insult watashi no ai again and I will kill you." Black Zetsu is serious because the air around him states that he's pissed. Deidara had no idea that a plant could get so pissed. Deidara looks across at Risaki; Sasori looks too smug with that smirk.

"So, what are we doing in Truth or Dare?" Momoiro strides in, her white hair bouncing as she prances towards Hidan, a smug smile painted on her lips. And YES, she bought Ayano with her. Though Risaki might not be happy about that, it'll make her go for him even more. And who is that other chick with Momo…?

"How the fuck am I supposed to know, Deidara suggested it you ask him bitch!" Momoiro's other friend looks like she just got slapped in the face. Momoiro just shrugs it off. She's used to Hidan calling her things like that.

"Deidara-kun, can we just start now?" Risaki says in a bored tone, Deidara just smirks in reply, not really paying attention other than watching her attractive angles.

"KISAMEEEEEEEEEE!" Kisame doesn't bother to turn around as Itachi's girlfriend looks like she's going to murder the prawn thing named 'Ebihime' with a skewer and cook her over a fire. "This is where you live right?" Well fucking duh. There is where ALL of the Akatsuki live. Each of them have separate rooms, Risaki shares a room with Sasori, even though Deidara generously offered to share his! The leader didn't like the arrangement but since Risaki is technically an inanimate object, there's not much he can do. "Excellent..." Ebihime finishes, licking her lips.

"Sure. Whatever, un." Deidara replies, Risaki just sighs in irritation and crosses her legs and mutters something under her breath. "Well, are we going to do the Spin the Bottle method or something?"

"Yay, that's just perfect! I have a Coke bottle!" Tobi then put a glass bottle in the middle of the rather squashed circle. Tobi then spins the bottle and it lands on Deidara. Oh the irony! "Deidara-senpai, truth or dare?" Frankly, Deidara doesn't give a damn.

"Dare." Please make it be a kiss, even better make Risaki kiss him! Not only will it make her love him but it'll make Sasori so jealous! And of course, Risaki won't be able to resist him... Perfect plan!

"Lick Sasori-senpai's ear." Tobi says, completely serious. What the fuck? No, no, no, it was meant to be Risaki, he's going to be the laughing stock of the Akatsuki! Risaki looks like she wants to cut off Tobi's head with a spork. Might as well get it over with... "And make it a good long lick!" Ebihime is watching Deidara intently, encouraging him with her eyes. Pervert...

She licks her lips and Deidara freezes in shock. This is too fucking disturbing to describe in words.

"Hurry the fuck up and do it, chicken!" Ayano snaps, Deidara turns around slowly, she has no idea how stressful and humiliating this is.

"Oh yeah, well why don't you take my place then?" Deidara's temple vein throbs, "Sasori is hardly my type!" Ayano just smirks in reply; obviously she's being a bitch. What's her problem? Deidara then licks Sasori's ear quick enough to escape the terrible humiliation, Sasori falls on his side in shock.

Nearly everyone bursts out laughing, Risaki pushes Sasori back up, Deidara slides back in his spot... Too embarrassed to even look Risaki in the face.

"Deidara-senpai, it's your turn to spin the bottle." This is perfect, if it spins into an almost perfect circle, it'll hit Risaki and Risaki isn't the sissy truth type, knowing her she'd go for dare. The bottle spins around in jagged circles before it lands on... ZETSU? Why God why? "Right Zetsu... Truth or Dare?"

"Dare." Black Zetsu says, but the White Zetsu protests, "No, I want Truth!" This is going to take forever... After five minutes of a heated argument between Zetsu's bipolar halves, Deidara just re-spins the bottle, being too impatient for Zetsu to make up his mind. It lands on... Mystery girl.

"Two questions. What's your name and... TRUTH OR DARE?" The girl has neon blue hair... and hazel eyes that are perhaps a bit greener than true hazel. She looks over to Ayano who just shrugs and turns away, watching Deidara like a hawk with piercing indigo eyes.

"Kaori. And I guess I go with truth. I'm not really in the right muse for dares yet..." Deidara snorts, she's kind of squeamish, oh well, hopefully she'll get in the right 'muse' soon enough.

"Okay then, Tobi will give you the question." Tobi is just looking at Kaori, not even paying attention to Deidara shaking his shoulder, Deidara getting impatient punches his shoulder finally earning Tobi's attention. "OI TOBI!" Tobi is yet again, not paying attention. "TOBI!"

"Deidara-senpai?" Tobi then glances over to Kaori who looks at Tobi earnestly, expecting the question that she chose. "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" Kaori appears to think hard for this answer, all the chicks in the room are giving her funny looks.

"... I would go to the bank, withdraw the correct amount of money for said bar, travel to a store that sells such a bar, and purchase it. Done. Or even if I'm too lazy, I could simply take the bar away from you!" This Kaori chick is a bit of a smartass and Deidara _likes._ Kaori spins the bottle and it lands on... Deidara?

* * *

><p>Within minutes of being given a double dog dare, everything had been transformed into utter chaos. Kaori had picked Itachi's girlfriend (Deidara still didn't even know her NAME) and Deidara for the double dog dare and the dare blew up the peaceful atmosphere. And what dare did this? Deidara taking a shower with Itachi's girlfriend.<p>

Itachi wasn't exactly happy with the dare Kaori chose for Deidara. A few minutes later of brooding over his steadily growing anger, he heard his girlfriend yelping in fright and soon enough went from slightly angry to completely pissed off. Deidara could tell as soon as Itachi's girlfriend came running straight to Itachi (with only a towel on) that there was going to be trouble.

Deidara steadfastly believed that it wasn't his fault. The shower was a tight space and something incredibly awkward happened... that means it wasn't his fault! She _is_ very hot after all…

Soon enough, all Hell had broken loose and the Akatsuki were taking sides. The odds weren't looking good for Deidara.

Team Itachi

Itachi - leader  
>Kisame (of course.)<br>Ebihime (only because Kisame's there... Stalker much...)  
>Zetsu (because Deidara mocked Saboten)<br>Ayano (the traitor!)  
>Risaki (WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Why does Deidara's sweet Juliet betray her Romeo?)<br>Momoiro (after all the strings Deidara pulled for her to get her here!)  
>Hidan (bastard, after all Deidara did for him!)<br>Itachi's girlfriend (is getting moral support from almost every girl in the room... Grrrr...)

Team Neutral

Saboten (she fainted... Again.)  
>Kaori (she's too busy laughing her ass off to pick a side.)<br>Sasori (can't be fucked supporting his partner...)  
>Pain (Leader-sama is too busy binging on smoothies)<br>Konan (isn't getting involved)

Team Deidara

Deidara - leader  
>Tobi (for once, Deidara is happy he's there)<br>Kakuzu (because he's having an argument with Hidan)

So far, Team Itachi was winning... And Deidara didn't like that. The fight was even starting to get violent, Deidara was staying at the back, just chilling- Risaki then punches Deidara in the face... Impossibly hard! "You PERVERT!"

"Fuck my life." Deidara muttered, nursing what felt like a broken nose.

* * *

><p>(仙人掌) <strong>Saboten = 'cactus' This isn't her actual name (which I'll keep a mystery c:) but Deidara calls her that...<br>**

(彩乃) **Ayano = 'my color/design' I forgot to put this in the Hidan fanfiction but there it is :)**

(香織) **Kaori = 'fragrance weaving' **


	7. Last Friday Night

**AN: Hi, this is Slushy, I'm back with the seventh mini-fanfiction. I rolled my die and got Tobi-kun! (6)****  
><strong>Mwhahahahahaha! (cough, cough) Anyway, I've forgotten to thank my reviewers so I will thank them by name!<strong>  
><strong><span>Cherry's Blood:<span> Thanks for the first review, that had made my day when I received it! Awesomeness =3**  
><strong><span>Newlight 13:<span> Hehehe, I agree with your on that! )=3**  
><strong><span>AnimeRulz15:<span> *smiles back* Thank you so much for that smile, I appreciate people like my humor ;)**  
><strong><span>Woah: <span>Thanks so much for that! =D Hehehe, I love writing parodies :)**  
><strong><span>PersiaZS0: <span>Thanks so much! I read your Kakuzu fanfic and it's well-written! Thanks so much for your opinion cuz it's true that sometimes in parodies characters have to be a little OOC sometimes. If this wasn't a parody, they wouldn't be very OOC x3**  
><strong><span>Webgirl9m9: <span>Yeah, I felt bad for Risaki when I wrote that too. But Risaki had to end up being a puppet XD**  
><strong>Thanks for the review mon ami!<strong>  
><strong><span>NoOneXIII:<span> I apologize if you didn't find this funny, but I really tried my best and I'm sorry about that :)**  
><strong><span>kazekagesama23:<span> That's alright, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it, so I won't argue with it because it's not my place to argue and I respect other people's opinions; this is a parody so sometimes characters can be OOC but if this wasn't a parody, they wouldn't be as OOC. Hope that's alright. :)**  
><strong>And finally <span>Awesomeness182: <span>Thanks so much for the review, I'll try to update more regularly.****

**So, without further ado, I give you... Last Friday Night!**

Last Friday Night

Tobi groans slightly, blinking. Bright afternoon sunlight glares down at him; he winces and turns over again. What the hell happened last night? "Tobi, get up." Deidara snaps suddenly and Tobi perks up. "You fucked up last night. Big time." Tobi blinks dreamily, a goofy grin glued to his face. "You killed your girlfriend." Tobi freezes, that goofy grin vanishes off his face.

"What?" He asks slowly, and Deidara sighs. "Kaori? Is she okay?" Tobi asks calmly, a soft shudder going down his spine. Deidara must be lying. He can't have killed his girlfriend…

"I wouldn't call lying in a ditch somewhere, and being dead okay, Tobi." Deidara replies, passing him a plate. "Breakfast. You overslept, so don't blame me if it's cold." Tobi pauses, confused. Why is Deidara avoiding Kaori, why isn't he telling Tobi anything? Tobi is…. Was a good boy. Is he a bad boy now?

"How did it happen?" Tobi asks gently, trying his damndest to stay calm. "Oh God. Who am I?" He asks himself aloud, and Deidara just stares at him, his gaze is sombre.

"Remember last night? Friday party? You both got wicked drunk, and you had an acrobatics competition…" Deidara trails off, as Tobi places his head in his hands. Why Kaori? "Yeah, it didn't go down well, Tobi. I will tell you it was an accident, though, you didn't do it deliberately." Deidara says, glancing at him.

Tobi then places the uneaten food on his bedside table and sinks back onto the mattress. He killed his girlfriend. Then out of nowhere, there's loud video game sound effects "DIE. YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Sasori's voice rings down the hallway, and Tobi blinks slowly.

"Hon, I'm sorry, but you suck at this. Give it here." Risaki replies and Tobi tiptoes down the hallway. What appears to be Evil Puppet Master 2000 is playing on the screen and Sasori is desperately trying to defeat himself. "Sasori. You'll die if you don't hand it over right now." Risaki says, offering her hands but Sasori ignores her, punching buttons repeatedly. Then there a large KO in a bright red font appears on the screen and Sasori's head slumps down.

"Risaki, tell me… How does one kick their own ass? Tell me how to defeat myself... Please." Sasori asks in a sulky tone, Risaki pats him on the back. "Chuckie is a fucking weakling in this game." Sasori mumbles and Risaki chuckles, her arm curling around Sasori's shoulders.

"No, it's because you suck at playing Chuckie. Give it here, Sasori-kun." Risaki gently pries the console out of Sasori's hands, and the battle restarts at the click of a few console buttons. Itachi comes out of the kitchen, intrigued by the sound of battle music blaring loudly out of the television speakers.

"Akane!" Itachi calls back gently to his girlfriend, her head pops from behind the corner. "Do we have any onigiri left? I'm starving." Itachi asks softly and his girlfriend shakes her head.

"Sorry, Itachi, I ate the last two. I'll make some more, just park yourself on the couch and wait, m'kay?" She replies, grabbing a sushi knife off the kitchen bench and stacking up several condiments and ingredients by a chopping board. Tobi walks slowly to Akane, and Akane turns. "Hey, Tobi. What's up with the long face?" She asks gently, and Itachi gives her a warning glance from the edge of the couch. "Oh, right. Sorry. I've been so caught up in this crap, I forgot about Kaori… I'm really sorry, Tobi."

"Can I have a sandwich please?" Tobi asks meekly, glancing at Akane imploringly.

"Yeah, sure. You have to make the sandwich though; I'm not your maid." Akane replies, gently wrapping seaweed in a ball of rice. Tobi winces as a headache pounds through his temples, this must be what a hangover feels like.

"Okay…" Tobi replies sadly, dragging his feet over to the fridge, taking out slices of ham and a block of cheese. He sets about making his sandwich, slicing cheese and layering it with ham.

She finishes making the rice balls and places them on a platter. "Itachi-kun, your lunch is ready ~" She calls out in a slightly teasing tone and Itachi grumbles. He hates being called –kun. Akane picks up the platter and brings it to Itachi, setting it down in front of him. She turns to go outside, but is stopped.

"Wait." Itachi says softly, and Akane pauses. "Sit here with me. We need to talk." He replies in a blank tone, and Akane hesitantly sits beside him. Deidara then walks in, a smile on his face.

"You and Itachi-kun had a nasty fight last night…" Deidara notes aloud, and Akane ignores him. Itachi ignores him, his eyes look distant. Akane may look cheery and all, but Tobi can tell she is hurting inside. "Oi. Tobi. Make me a sandwich. Actually, never mind. I already have one ready-made." Deidara snatches up Tobi's lovely ham and cheese sandwich, eating it with gusto. Why is everyone ignoring Tobi today? Not even asking how he feels?

"HIDAN!" Momoiro's furious voice echoes through the house, and Hidan freezes in place. A hand of cards placed face down below him.

"Am I in trouble?" He mutters across to Kakuzu, but somehow, he was within earshot of Momoiro who walks in slowly, shutting the door quietly behind her. Somehow, that's more ominous that a slammed door.

"Yes. You are in a _lot _of trouble." Momoiro hisses and the whole room is silent. "Who the fuck is she?" She holds Hidan's phone in her hand, a picture of him making out with a girl that's not Momoiro. Then him in bed with that girl.

She places the phone gently on the table. Hidan just looks away, not answering. "Momo, calm down." Akane says gently, "Take a break, and chill. Shit went down last night. Everyone got hurt by something. Spiced rum is evil."

"Akane, I need you to shut up, leave Itachi on the couch and come with me. But most importantly, I need a fucking drink. I need to figure out what the hell has gone wrong with my life." Akane gets up slowly, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of Coca Cola and opening the door outside.

The door shuts with a click and Itachi glances at the door longingly. Sasori chuckles, "Damn. Both of you are in the doghouse." Itachi and Hidan both glare wrathfully at Sasori who rolls his eyes and turns away back to the game.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Saboten ran away again!" Zetsu's anguished cries echo through the hallways, and Itachi facepalms.

"All the drama today is fucking pandemonium. Akane's pissed off at me, but pretends not to be. Kaori got killed, Saboten's run away, Hidan cheated on his girlfriend, Deidara's being a little bitch going after my girlfriend and Sasori can't win a fucking arcade game. What else is happening today?" Itachi muses aloud, earning unwanted attention from everyone in the room.

"Ebihime keeps photoshopping stuff of me and Itachi and puts it on Facebook and standing outside my window at night…" Kisame groans loudly, sitting down on the couch with Itachi. "I love her, I do, but she's fucking insane." Deidara gives a solicitous punch to Kisame's shoulder. "Akane still pissed at you, Itachi?"

"Yeah." Itachi replies blankly, picking up the glass of water and drinking it. He doesn't even touch or glance at the onigiri. "I can't even remember our fight. It was probably something stupid. Guh." Itachi sighs, leaning back and closing his eyes.

"Sasori… What the fuck is this?" Risaki is browsing YouTube on her phone and appears to have stumbled upon a video of Sasori's drunken ramblings or rather, a whole channel dedicated to Sasori, full of his drunken ramblings. How a puppet can get drunk puzzles Tobi. How does it work out?

"Oh shit." Sasori says aloud, as he watches the video. "Oh God… Risaki, I didn't mean it." Risaki glares at him, standing up abruptly and striding away quickly. "Wait, Risaki!" Then Risaki freezes suddenly in place.

"You motherfucker. Did you just manipulate me with chakra strings? Let me the fuck go, asshole!" Risaki takes a step forward, forcing herself to move. "If you have any respect for me, you'll release me. Right now." Sasori hesitates for a moment, then his fingers slack and Risaki stomps outside to join her friends.

"Fuck. Now I'm in the doghouse. Great." Sasori says in disdain, his facial expression looks like he just swallowed rat poison. Deidara smiles slightly. Sasori looks miserable, and he switches off the television and sighs. "I'm never drinking again. Oh, fuck the Internet. Seriously." He sees nods of agreement at his statement. "I really wish I hadn't made her puppet, but she would've died if I hadn't. She hates me because I took away her humanity in exchange for her life." Sasori says aloud, covering his face with his hands. "What have I done?"

"You did that for a good reason, Sasori. Don't beat yourself up, man." Deidara says, seemingly lying through his teeth. "Ayano broke up with me this morning. She woke up with someone else and felt guilty; At least she was honest with me." Deidara gives a fake smile, and Zetsu nods in acknowledgement.

"She'll forgive you man. Don't get upset about it, Sasori." Kisame says, Sasori shakes his head in disagreement. Leader-sama walks in slowly, holding a blueberry slushie delicately in one hand.

"It's depressing waking up and listening to your pathetic soap opera, ladies. I wasn't aware this was an anonymous addicts meeting. Thanks for ruining my day before it even started, you fucking saddos." Pein shakes his head and sits on the couch. "So, I will make you guys happy to stop my day from being ruined anymore. Tell me what you want. Don't push your luck though." Pein slurps up the last of the slushie, glancing around.

"…" Sasori is silent, staring into empty space. Itachi doesn't make a response, his eyes closed, Kisame winces slightly. Hidan and Kakuzu murmur to each other as they play Texas Hold'Em.

"Ugh, for fuck's sake… You guys are so boring and sad. Just get a bottle of Jägermeister and grow up. This is more depressing than dead baby cows." Pein scowls, producing a bottle of Jägermeister out of his coat. "Get smashed and then in the morning, you can work on apologies." Pein sighs, pouring out shot glasses of Jägermeister.

"So, the solution is to get hammered… Again?" Sasori ponders aloud, picking up the shotglass. "Seems legit." He notes aloud, skulling it down.

"Exactly." Pein replied, a fake smile on his lips. "Smart, eh?" Pein knew he'd regret this later.

* * *

><p>Five hours after those Jägermeister shots were poured, Konan came home to what was once a neat, tidy house now looks like an atomic bomb fell on it. "What the fuck happened?" Kaori asked, popping from behind Konan, a brown paper shopping bag in her arms.<p>

"I wish I knew." Konan said, her nose wrinkled as she stepped over Zetsu sleeping on a pile of glass. She walks slowly over to an empty glass bottle of… Jägermeister. "Jägermeister did this." Konan said simply. "The boys were wicked drunk. And we're the ones that have to clean their mess up."

"I cant believe we're doing this. Again." Kaori murmured, Konan nodding in agreement. They begin the slow, painful process of cleaning the great mess drunk ninja left behind. When shinobi are drunk, they create ten times of the mess normal people make.

"Ugh…" Itachi groans as he gets up rubbing his head. "Konan? You weren't supposed to be home until five twen– HOLY SHIT! LOOK OUT, ZOMBIE!" Itachi threw a kunai at Kaori, who barely dodged it with a wild duck and a loud squeak.

"Watch we're you're fucking throwing those things!" Kaori growled, rubbing her head. That wild duck earned her a thorough whack from the brick wall. In the head too. "Itachi, you broke my brain, you asshole!" She rubs her pounding head, a vein pulsates ominously on her forehead.

"You… You were dead." Itachi edges away slowly, pressed against the wall, the kunai in his hand quivering. "You are a fucking zombie." Itachi says slowly, pressing himself harder to the wall.

"You guys did a shitty burial. I'm insulted that people apparently don't care where I'm left after I die. I woke up in a drain near the mall. Konan had to pull me out of that dump. My hair is fucking ruined." Kaori furiously jabs a finger at her hair which was once pleasant neon blue and is now a dull, brownish-blue with paper, old candy wrappers and old gum run through it. "It will take weeks to wash this trash out of my hair. People can be so fucking gross. And I'll need to get a haircut too. Thanks a bunch assholes." Kaori muttered angrily, picking up some pieces of broken glass at her feet.

"Itachi, you've been watching too much zombie apocalypse movies. I'm confiscating your zombie movies." Konan says bluntly, picking up the incredibly untouched DVDs. The DVD and CD shelf was somehow left untouched by the disaster. Good thing it was, because Risaki would've strangled Sasori if her CDs were trashed. And Jashin knows what Momoiro would've done to Hidan if he fucked up her DVD collection.

"Konan, I'm having a fucking hangover. Jägermeister is powerful, VERY potent shit, do not punish me. That's not fair!" Itachi moans, clutching his temples. "Ow. Fuck. What is in that shit?"

"Alcohol, herbs and tons of other shit, hun." Kaori replies, offering a helping hand up. "I will tell you one thing. The elk blood myth is a total lie." Kaori mutters, pulling Itachi to his feet. She searches the room, glancing back at Itachi with hazel eyes. "Where are Akane and the other gals?" Kaori asks, rubbing her head. "Ew. My hair smells like dishwater. Aw shit, I just touched it." Kaori shudders, going into the kitchen which was saved from the disaster. "Where's Tobi?"

"Under the couch." Itachi replies, fetching a frozen steak from the fridge and fixing it over his black eye. "Fuck my life. I'm never touching alcohol again." He sighs, parking himself back on the couch. "Fuck you Jägermeister." He points an accusing finger to the bottle in Konan's hand, slumping back.

"Tobi, hun, get the fuck up. I have dangos. Your favorite." Kaori says gently, whispering in Tobi's ear. Tobi perks up instantly, mauling Kaori into a bear hug. "Um, why the bear hug… You know that bear hug soppy couples do in movies when they haven't seen each other in who-the-fuck-knows-how-many years?" She pats his shoulders, only to be squished together. "I love the affectionate gesture Tobi-kun, but I can't breathe." Kaori pries herself free, wrinkling her nose at the strong stench of alcohol wafting throughout the room.

"I thought I killed you." Tobi says, and a pert grin appears on Kaori's lips. "Didn't you fall off the balcony?" Kaori shook her head, and chuckled lightly.

"I did, but it wasn't a fall that would kill me. You idiots were wicked drunk and thought I was dead, I was knocked out." Kaori shrugged her shoulders, "I'm not a zombie, and I'm very much alive." Kaori smirks and then she sighs. "I'mma take a shower. My hair is awful. Your dangos are on the kitchen bench. Glad to see the Jägermeister hasn't killed you. I would've gone emo and depressed if it had." Kaori then gets up and heads in the direction of her room, and to her bathroom.

Akane then comes back through the kitchen door, an empty Coca Cola bottle in one hand. Her eyes are bloodshot and look sore. She drops the bottle in the recycling bin, glancing at Itachi. "Itachi, can I talk to you? Please, give me just five minutes of your undivided attention. I skipped out on you, and I need to make up for lost time." Itachi glances over in her direction, and nods.

"Fire away." Akane cracks a smile and kneels in front of him. "Careful. There's broken glass everywhere."

"Don't care." Akane mutters, glancing at him. "I'm sorry. I've thought back, and we had a ridiculous argument about Pokémon. And now that I think about it, I was right. But anyway – I'm sorry, I overreacted. I don't wanna lose you – you're fucking awesome. Fucking Pokémons… We ought to play that shit more often so we get our facts right." Akane smiles goofily, half hyper off Coca Cola.

"Yeah… yeah, we should." Itachi returns the goofy smile, and Akane sits beside him, her bare feet sprawled out in front of her.

"I'm such a dumbass for arguing over Squirtle, but that also makes you a dumbass for arguing over Pikachu. That fucking adorable little turtle…" Akane says with a smirk, crouching on her tiptoes. "Now show me your eye." Itachi takes off the steak and Akane winces. "Damn, whoever did that has one hell of a right hook."

"Sasori. He got pissed off because I said he sucked ass at video games." Itachi replies, as Akane pulls him to his feet. "Where are you taking me?" Akane looks back, her scarlet hair sways sideways.

"To bed. You need rest. That black eye is bad." She calls back, gently pulling him along on a path of broken glass, the occasional drop of blood, and spilt alcohol to the hallway. "And let's make a rule not to argue over Squirtle and Pikachu. Because everyone knows Squirtle is better." Akane says with a smirk, as the two disappear down the hall.

Risaki walks through the front door, her bare feet leaving muddy prints on the wooden floor; she shuts the door quietly behind her. "Sasori?" Sasori perks up from the broom closet, a mop falls on his head and he cringes slightly. "You're so weird, Sasori." Risaki says ruefully, a hand reaches out to help him up and he takes it. "Sasori, I'm sorry I have to say this but-"

"Hold up a sec, Riri. Give me a minute." Sasori holds up a finger, and Risaki quietens. "I have no excuse to cover up what was said, but in my defence, I was wicked drunk." Risaki rolls her eyes, crossing her arms and looking at Sasori sceptically. "But I will not use that as an excuse. I said terrible things that I didn't mean, okay, and I'm sorry. I know you're pissed off-"

"Yeah, I'm pissed off Sasori. You just had to go and rub it in my face that I act like a heartless bitch just because I'm a puppet who lost her humanity." Risaki says frostily, and Sasori winces. "You took away my humanity and my future. People think I'm sort of freak. I lost my job and all my friends. How can I forgive you now? Give me one good reason. C'mon." Risaki says challengingly, her eyes daring him.

"You were going to die. I had other thoughts about changing you, because I knew the prices and consequences. I decided that your life was far more important than your humanity, Risaki." Risaki pauses, staring at Sasori with jade eyes. "I do care about you, and I'm sorry I took away all that from you, but your life mattered more than anything. And screw your job and so-called friends. If they were true friends, they would've stuck around. And you have Akane and Co."

"Sasori, you are so fucked up," Risaki says with a cute smile, crouching down onto one knee in front of him. "But isn't that why I love you?" She says gently, a smirk on her face. "Okay, that was one good reason. You're a lot smarter than people credit you for." Risaki then kneels on both knees. "I love you, even if you're a smart dumbass. And yes, that makes no sense, but aren't I nonsensical?" Risaki smiles goofily and hugs Sasori. "I'm sorry if you are. And Sasori, how does a puppet get drunk?"

"Well, I'm sorry, so there you have it." Sasori says softly. "Babe, I wish I knew."

"Can you two move? You're blocking the hallway." Momoiro growls, her legs up to her knees are caked in mud. What the hell did those girls do? Sasori smirks, pulling Risaki closer so they don't block the hallway. "Thanks." Momoiro mumbles absentmindedly, walking straight past Hidan.

"Wait, bitch." She continues past him, going into the kitchen. "Bitch, I said wait." She opens the fridge door, peering in. "DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, WOMAN! There'll be hell to pay." Momoiro rolls her eyes, snatching up a carton of soy milk.

"Motherfucker, what do you want?" Momoiro replies in monotone, pouring the glass of soymilk. "Actually, never the fuck mind. I'm not prepared to take your bullshit anymore." Momoiro says with a bitter chuckle, slamming the fridge door.

"Why are you being a bitch? I don't even remember what happened last night!" Hidan replies, folding his hand, Kakuzu pockets his winnings.

"It doesn't matter whether or not you remembered it. It _still_ happened." Momoiro hisses icily, violently biting into a tomato. Her pinkish-red eyes filled with fury, she speaks again, "I'm still standing in the kitchen with a tomato and a glass of soymilk wondering what the fuck happened to my life." Her tone is filled with venom, and she sighs. "Dumbass." She mutters under her breath, "Why'd you have to fuck shit up?" She shakes her head slowly before marching out of the living room and the faint slamming of her bedroom door echoed through the house.

Tobi stands there for a moment, staring at the scene. Jägermeister just made everything worse didn't it? Tobi waits outside the bathroom door, and Kaori comes out a moment later, with a faded blue bath robe and drenched blue hair. "Did you eat your dangos?"

"No, I waited so I could share them with you." Tobi gives her the cute smile, and Kaori cracks a smile.  
>Then suddenly, Ayano makes her way down the hall. "Ayano-chan, what are you doing here?" Tobi looks at Ayano, puzzled.<p>

"Where's Deidara? I made a huge mistake. The guy was gay and it turns out – shit, don't have time to explain, just tell me where Deidara is." Ayano flusters, running her fingers nervously through her black hair.

"He's in the living room; he knocked himself out with Jägermeister." Kaori says, rolling her eyes and laughing.

"Thanks so much, hon. I owe you one." Ayano gives Kaori a quick hug and rushes into the living room.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh God, now that I look back, I haven't updated this... In ages. Truth is, I had no muse or inspiration, and I had a huge writer's block in my way. But now that there's only three chapters left until the collection is complete, I'll try my damnest to finish this collection off and not keep all you peeps waiting. I promise I'll update this... SOON.<strong>

**Love, Slush ~**


	8. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE

**AN:** **Hey. It's me, Slushy! Just letting you know that I'm alive. I'm so, so sorry for the lack of updates... I have actually noticed I haven't updated for _months_. God, that's really bad. *winces* My life has been pandemonium this year - I've been ambushed by unexpectedly terrible grades, teenage girl drama, assignments, camp, exams, writer's block and a myriad of curses that have been chasing me around for months and have kept me away from Fanfiction. Frankly, this year has been hard, too long and rather disappointing. I have hopes next year shall be better. It has left me feeling rather guilty that I haven't updated in a looooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooong time, sometimes it feels like I haven't updated since the Cambrian period.**

**So, I'mma make it up to you guys. I'm going to write the chapters I've been intending to write for a long time - which is probably quite a few chapters. I'm not going to post them up in one big heap. I'm going to return to my normal schedule of once a week, since I have been blessed with my annual Christmas break. I'm also going to give you the holiday specials (that I just _love _writing :3). With the advice of many other writers (who I have shown my fanfictions to, and have received excellent feedback from), I'm going to fix some formatting errors, fix a few plotholes here, there and over there. While I am fairly busy preparing for my senior year next year and the exams that decide my future, I will try my best to update as much as I can, promise.**

**Anyway, I'm going to wrap up this author's note - because it is getting rather long. Sorry, old habits... But, you can certainly expect an update within a few days. I will make it my mission to deliver to you a chapter that you have long awaited. I have my muse music plugged in, my fingers twitching to start firing away, Write or Die webpage open (it is an amazing motivator), dialogues brewing and plottage stewing. I will delete this author's note when I post the next chapter up.**

**See you soon my dear readers,**

**Slushy.**


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